That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
