I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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