once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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