why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
