dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
