Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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