is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
