just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
