Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
