How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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