I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
