Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
