just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What a dumb baby whore.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
