Sry I called you an 8
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
