if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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