omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
