it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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