I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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