I'm really into asian looking animals
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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