i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
