This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
