She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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