Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
