I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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