omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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