I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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