why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
