i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
