In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
