Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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