Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
