There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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