Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
