Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
