woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
