Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
