he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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