I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
