Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
