Duck Duck Cougar?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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