It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
