i think my tv is drunk
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
