She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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