It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
