We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
