So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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