i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
