What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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