just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
