I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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