i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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