I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
