The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
