i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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