with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
