Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
